Well 18 and above ah !!! underage pls...close this window !! xie xie ni !!Some Adult Jokes !!
Together Again
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
you, Me or Dad
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,
"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."
At that moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says,
"Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the damn intercom button!"
Rancher's Wife
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He turned out to be a fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well.
Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town.
However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand, finally two thirty, in came the hired hand. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she asked.
"Now take off my boots."
He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He did.
"Now take off my skirt."
He did.
"Now take off my bra."
Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties."
He slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!!"
Doc, I've Got A Prob
A man visits his doctor.
"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of
my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the
patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let
you do such a thing to me?"
"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and
the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But
two weeks after the operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has
turned blue too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his
other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was
very reluctant. "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc,
and the patient had to agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned
to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My
penis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc
gives him the bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has
to go.
Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really
want to die?", asked the doctor.
"But... how do I pee?"
"We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no
problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation,
the unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is
very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."
"What?"
"Can you tell me what a hell is happening?"
So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and says, "Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
you, Me or Dad
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,
"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."
At that moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says,
"Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the damn intercom button!"
Rancher's Wife
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He turned out to be a fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well.
Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town.
However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand, finally two thirty, in came the hired hand. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she asked.
"Now take off my boots."
He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He did.
"Now take off my skirt."
He did.
"Now take off my bra."
Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties."
He slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!!"
Doc, I've Got A Prob
A man visits his doctor.
"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of
my balls has turned blue."
The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the
patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let
you do such a thing to me?"
"Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and
the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But
two weeks after the operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has
turned blue too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his
other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was
very reluctant. "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc,
and the patient had to agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned
to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My
penis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc
gives him the bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has
to go.
Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really
want to die?", asked the doctor.
"But... how do I pee?"
"We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no
problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation,
the unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is
very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."
"What?"
"Can you tell me what a hell is happening?"
So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and says, "Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"